Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I must be really mad today... It is now 4am. Perhaps this explains why i am mad.

It has been a very restless day for me. Before school, mug alittle. At school, feel like slping. Headed to tuition and then home. Prepared an oven dinner. Practically everything just throw into the oven. Roast chicken wing, potatoes, bun and french fries. Watch cashier buzz, followed by mitsubushi challenge, news, and csi miami. In between, i really duno how many time i got up to walk around aimlessly. In the meantime, i was doing gps project which practically copy and paste as whatever i had found is already very simplified. Too tired and lazy to look through it. Went to do things that i never expect myself to do again. Not sure why. Tried to attempt science tutorial but somehow, it sucks and i just tried to do alittle. Played daidee while doing. After finishing it, i played bridge. So crap. It seems that i need some distraction as usual while mugging. Used to be destruct-o-match. Now, bridge and daidee. I play the song qi dai ai duno over how many times for the past 4 hrs i think. Must be mad already. Really mad. Wrote my uusal exams wishes to friends before i forget to do it again.

Anyway, my house got something new. We now have scv at home. But i cannot watch it till exams are over or it will just be ba zan by me. It is just one week away. Oh, how great can it be. GPS is due on thursday with quiz and submission of project before i can announce no more project and quizzes whicle many others announced theirs last week. zzz

Something about me. I like things in boxes as it seems more organised . But apparently, i am getting very diorganised. Everything is in a big fat mess, my table, my other table, my side table, my bed, practically my whole room. Haix... feel so disorganised that i cannot concentrated until i make it neat. But practically, it is still messy now.

Really need to MUG damn hard now. I got the drive but i got no heart to do so. Quite stress this time round as i can no longer afford to heck care. I had realised the importance of ................ that makes me motivated.

After the exams i will be leaving for norway. Before that, hope got part-time lobang as i still got tuition committement. So please recommend me if there is any! Thanks.

When i look back. It feels that i had wasted my life away as an carefree fella who is actually burdened by her own independency and her stubborness and her stupid thinking which has now changed. I am considered quite a carefree fella in many eyes as i do not really show my despair or wadsoever unless my close friends. But sometimes, even not. I think i had tried my best to be a good friend to all already.

In the journey of life, I also feel that it is the norm to lost oneself as the environment influences it. In the midst of it, many things are lost which can never be recovered. But from it, when one find back oneself, we can learn from lessons but it may also leave behind some regrets. Holding on to regrets is a burden but yet it is definitely not easy to let go as the sense of guilt still prevail in one heart.

I look, I see the things that happens around me everytime. I still had doubt about the purpose of life but yet there are many new experiences and lessons to be learnt each time. Whenever there is someone who complain this or that, i learnt about different thoughts and what can be done to solve or learn about life. Practically, conclusion about life is not there. It is really up to one to see what it is. For me, I think there is many things to be experienced but if life is about just work and sleep, i think there is no point. I really do not wan to turn out to be one. But it looks like i am going to be that one person with no life very soon. Need to find some input into my life soon to be alive. I feel no difference from being a dead person now. There is no life!

End of a mad gal thoughts.

signing off... audrey at 4:01 AM